i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We left the knife in your bed.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
