shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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