we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
