You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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