Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
