I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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