she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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