So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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