Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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