Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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