Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
