Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
