I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
