Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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