is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
