She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
