idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
