I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
