i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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