you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
