My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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