Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
