so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
