Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
