I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
