Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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