And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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