If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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