just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Two words: blizzard sex
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