2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
