But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
