she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just gift wrapped bread.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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