she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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