In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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