have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
