I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
