That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
