I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize