how can u be prego again
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
