i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
