I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
