I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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