I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
