And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
