This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize