i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
