That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
