i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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