This is not my ceiling
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
