we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
being pregnant is like rehab
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Enjoy the penises
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
