My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
whose parrot is this?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
