We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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