guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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