She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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