i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
