Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
