i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize