Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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