accomplished twins. life is a go
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
