He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
