apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
