my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
All I want is dick and wine.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
