I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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