I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize