Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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