I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
