we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
