some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
