she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
