Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
