So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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