his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
