im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
