That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
