I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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