we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
