She's JV to your varsity
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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