wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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