WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
