don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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