There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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