Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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