Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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