Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
