That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i love accidental penises.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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