It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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