I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
