They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
