I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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