Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
