I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize