WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
