i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
