worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
