You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
