New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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