It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
