i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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